Name: Lauren

Nickname: don’t

Occupation: writing

2nd occupation: making schizophrenia look cute

3rd occupation: not actually having schizophrenia

4th occupation: angering people on the internet by joking about mental health issues

5th occupation: making bipolar disorder seem charming

6th occupation: not learning from my mistakes

Mr. Pickles the cat: died of being a thousand

Mr. Pickles the cat’s voice: I still do it and I don’t care; he served in both World Wars so it’s one of the dignities afforded him

Big Ruth the dog: still big-Ruthing

Saturn the cat: found by Big Ruth; generally an inferior copy of Mr. Pickles as he does not have hyperthyroidism, dementia, large bald spots, a tendency to scream into drains or stand on you while you are sleeping, is neither blind nor deaf and has never committed cat sexual assault

So you’re still ‘interesting’: aren’t I though